When Men Mysteriously Misplace Their Mothers: Marriage Edition
Also, in our society, a daughter and a mother often share a close bond. I know I am generalizing, but this is based on my experiences and those around me. The influence of patriarchy within society often leads women in the immediate family to stick together. They become each other's confidants from an early age. They come to depend on each other for moral support against the omnipresent force of patriarchy. Mothers, daughters, and sisters share a close bond, one that might be akin to soldiers at war. Oooh, trauma bonding maybe? Just speculating. Anyway, now that we have established that the bond a mother and daughter share is special, barring a sister or a close friend, most women cannot discuss these things with anyone else.
And not to say that this relationship does not take a hit after a wedding. It does, just that it finds a new acceptable equilibrium soon enough.
It's essential to acknowledge that all relationships a person has, be it with close family, extended family, friends, pets, or office colleagues, are affected after a wedding. Of course, it does. A life partner is the one person we spend the majority of our lives with. They do take up a lot of space in our lives, which would otherwise be attributed to other people. So, it is bound to happen that after someone gets married, they seem to disappear from your life, at least for a while. This is something that everyone needs to learn and understand.
However, the notable difference is that, in my opinion, women (without generalizing) seem to excel in developing and maintaining these relationships better than men. I believe this is because socializing has been an integral part of women's lives since childhood. They are taught to socialize, interact with people, and "nurture relationships." This social burden has, subconsciously, often fallen on women since men have been "busy working" for most of their lives. Women, it seems, accumulate their 10,000 hours of practice much earlier, and hence are better equipped for these situations. A good comparison could be driving. Why is there a notion that women suck as drivers? Men start driving cars in their teens, much before they are even 18. They are asked to fetch things, drop and pick people up, or in general given more leeway to drive the car. On the other hand, in my experience, most women do not start driving at least until their early 20s, if not later. Again, just a matter of experience. I think I have made my point here.
Coming back to our original point of discussion, it is the relatively lower ability of men to maintain a strong relationship with their mothers after marriage that gives rise to the popular notion.
As I am writing this, another thought comes to my mind. In society, boys are still, yes, still, more sought after by most parents. Even in this day and age, when my grandmother is very happy with someone, her blessing goes something like this: "May you be blessed with a boy." A woman who births a boy is held in higher regard than the ones who aren't able to birth a boy, despite science telling us that this is through no fault of their own. The boy child becomes a source of pride and respect for a woman. Yes, this is the 21st century, and yes, this still happens. So, when the boy starts paying less attention to his mother, they might feel, and I am speculating here, stripped of those accolades.
These are just a couple of things that come to my mind as I sit at the dining table eating breakfast and trying to make some sense of the conversation between my husband and his mother in a language, I do not understand one bit.
If every man on our planet prioritized their wives and consistently showered them with love and affection in a manner that resonates with the women, we could eliminate this power struggle. But until then, grab the popcorn – it's prime-time drama in the making, or so I hear.